Sunday, March 9, 2008

A Girl Named "Ica"

Me and the boys are blessed by Jessica. I can only hope we are as good to her as she is to us. A few nights ago, Joe was crying; “I miss Mommy.” I thought, we’ll try to remember things about her. When I asked Joe what he remembered, he started crying again, saying, “I don’t remember anything.” He just knows absence. Melissa went into the hospital for the first time three years ago. It’s hard to believe; three years ago started a horrible journey. I just held him and then he said, “I want Ica.” There is something, finally, about a female presence. On some level, I was sad and happy; I want to be there for them, but I can only be Daddy. It was another moment where I realized Jessie will be the only mom Joe really knows. So he is already her baby.

John, on the other hand, has more issues. He has already has those hard moments where he feels trapped. If he loves Jessie, has he been unfaithful to his mom? If he wants to talk about his mom, does he lose something in his relationship with Jessie? She has been intentional about getting out pictures of Melissa and hearing stories. John just got up and asked what I was doing. He wanted me to write, “Ica-bear is sweet. She loves everyone very much. I think that’s it.”

The boys can’t wait for April 19. They keep asking when is it coming. They say it will be the day that Jessie has a sleep over. In their innocence, they wonder why she doesn’t spend the night. They say, “Leo gets to sleep on the couch, why can’t Jessie?” So they say we are going to have a sleep over. And indeed, we are. They have plans for all of us to watch a movie, eat popcorn and be in sleeping bags on the floor.

3 comments:

Melissa K. said...

The blessing is that a child's heart is big enough to love both women. They are blessed to have the love and strength of both moms and one day they will be all the stronger and more loving because of the influences of both Melissa and Jessica. John will settle it all in his head and heart because the reality is that he never has to choose one over the other...God has given him both.

Cindy Crissman said...

Jessica makes a wonderful addition to your family and a perfect partner in ministry. Those of us who knew Melissa will help the boys to remember and know that their mother was an awesome person!

Lisa said...

I am so happy that you have found happiness and what sounds like a partner in ministry. The boys are fortunate to have someone with whom they can share all the love they've been given. That's the best part about love...the more you give away, the more you have. They are who they are because of all the love they've been given. I hope I'll get to meet Jessica when I come to LaRoca with Laudate in May!